First, some lines from the Tick show on Fox. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. The Idea Men "Ladies and gentlemen, you might want to shield yourselves with your desert menus, I might be dangerous!"-introducing himself to the superhero convention "Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero, to right wrongs and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir! And you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future or you get all...scratchy. Hey, I'm narrating here!"-pondering his new role as the defender of The City "The The City"-upon arriving at The City "City, it is I, the Tick, your destined me where it hurts!"-upon arriving at The City "Uh, yeah I suck blood all the time. Look I got a straw right here pal, you want a demonstration?!"-defending his choice to call himself the Tick "Hey cool! They got a blimp!"-awed by the Idea Men's getaway "You're not going crazy, you're going sane in a crazy world!"-reassuring his sidekick Arthur's misgivings "My goodness, I'm a walking time-bomb!"-after getting his hand stuck in an explosive device "And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables."-endnote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. Dinosaur Neil "Family Values! You're crazy for that sibling!"-describing Arthur's feelings for his sister "I will suppress my every urge."-After Arthur asks him to tone it down around his sister "Ooooooh, the STINK of it!"-crushing garlic "Wonderful tour, Dinosaur Neil. I never knew I could learn so much. Heh heh.. yeah.. Now, just to retain it!"-after a tour of the park "He has the moustache of a titan!"-tangling with Dinosaur Neil's facial hair "Well, once again my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences,...but the other head of science is bad! Oh beware the other head of science, Arthur, it bites!"-endnote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. Chairface Chippendale "The Tick caters to no man!"-when told that he would have to dress up as a caterer to sneak into Chairface's party. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. Mr. Mental "The night is young and we have umbrellas in our drinks."-trying to get Arthur to relax on their night off "Didn't find the Tick, but I found a beautiful pie"-a Sewer Urchin-ism (oh yeah) "A day an office? My worst nightmare!"-experiencing his deepest fears "The human mind is a dangerous plaything, boys. When it's used for evil, watch out! But when it's used for good, then things are much nicer."-endnote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. The Breadmaster "Egad! A crumb, an errant particle? I am besmirched!"-being told by Arthur about a bit of yuck on his face "Yeast Devil! Back to the oven that baked you!"-fighting back one of the Breadmaster's bread bombs "Not baked goods, professor, baked bads!"-describing the various devices of the Breadmaster "When he gets to the sugar, he'll find the bitter taste of justice!"-laying out a trap "Your culinary crimewave has just crashed against the shores of justice!"-confronting the Breadmaster "Chef of chicanery! Your buns are mine!"-chasing the villain "More thinking, we are well-challenged, my small friend"-during a pause to rethink strategy "I'm betting that I'm just abnormal enough to survive."-about to implement a dangerous plan "Let us not forget the lesson that we can learn from this, Arthur, that man was not meant to tamper with the four basic food groups"-endnote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. The Tick "I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. We're superheroes, man! We don't have time to be charming! The boots of evil were made for walking. We're watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys! Not captains of industry! Not makers of things! Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich, no toppings necessary! Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you...dig?"-rambling during a television interview "I get it, spelling America with a 'k', are we?"-perturbed at the carding policy of the Comet Club "Yeah, well, don't count your weasels before they pop, dink!"-surprising Barry, the villain "Head spinning, ears ringing,, more of a throbbing, really. But regardless, OUCH!"-pinned against the wall by Barry's shield "Can't lose my name, it's on all my stationery!"-rallying himself against Barry, the villain who wants the Tick to give up his superhero name ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. El Seed "I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli."-after starting to show the effects of being sprayed with the vegetation vitalizer "Villains always have antidotes...they're funny that way."-explaining the psyche of the supervillain "Life is a big wild crazy tossed salad, but you don't eat it, no sir! You live it! Isn't it great?"-endnote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. The Uncommon Cold "Mucous, the scourge of mankind"-after a sneeze "Arthur, I just had the strangest dream. I was taking some math test I hadn't studied for...and then you tried to saw off my head. Weird, huh?"-after being woken up by an attempt by Arthur's evil clone to get a tissue sample from his head "Nobody mucks around with the Tick's bodily membranes! Prepare for swift Justice!"-confronting Thrackozog Thrakkorzog and The Tick fighting about the pronunciation of Thrakkorzog's name. Thrak: "Listen, buddy.. for the last time, it's.." Tick: "Four acts in a bog?" "Thrakkorzog!" "Ahh.. laxative log." "No, no no.." "Lapplander zog?" "No.." "Four yaks and a dog!" "Thrakk..." "Sapsucker frog!?" "No no NO!" "Ahem.. Susan?" "So foul gelatin, you would do battle with the nose of your birth?"-confronting his clone made from his mucous "Mucal invader, is there no end to your oozing?!"-during battle with his clone "I don't know the meaning of the word surrender! I mean, I know it, I'm not dumb...just not in this context."-when given the option to surrender by Thrakkorzog "Waitasecond! Smells like...ambush!"-during battle ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. Pineapple Pokopo "Slideshow,...boring. Losing,...consciousness."-losing consciousness during a briefing about his mission "Let's hang ten for justice!"-surfing battlecry "You know gang, when you're a superhero, you never know where the day will take you. You may find yourself halfway around the world in the shark-infested waters of true-to-life living. Or you may find yourself going down to the store for a lozenge. You can't know, can you? No! You gotta ride that wave, You gotta suck that lozenge! Cause if you don't, who will?"-endnote ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. The Mole-Men "Ah savory cheese puffs, made inedible by time and fate"-during spring cleaning "I'm the doing laundry!"-overjoyed by simple pleasures "I won't hesitate to forsake species for combat!"-confronted by a metallic machine with arachnid characteristics "Supermodels usually don't date guys who live in the dirt."-trying to deter the mole king from hitting on a surface girl "Hey, you're the guy who made my head hot! Well, you're not going to make my friend's heads hot!"-confronting the lava-man ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. The Proto-Clown "It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, , or heavily fried food."-visiting the evacuated diner "Well, once again we find that clowning and anarchy don't mix. And even though evil may wear big funny pants, it ARRRRRGH!..."-finding out that he had not quite finished off the Proto-Clown" "Yes, yes, it's so true. We're all born into the cold unyielding world of nothing, no blankets, no glove and scarf gift sets, and why? Why?"-The Tick's mind trying to read too much into one of the Tick's statements "Oh what a goofy work is man!"-The Tick's mind, waxing philosophic ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Tick vs. Arthur's Bank Account "Yes, destiny has her hand on my back, and she's pushing!"-describing his obligation to fight the Terror "Evil, chum, is ever green!"-explaining to Arthur how the Terror, an evil-doer who first appeared in 1903 can still be causing trouble in 1995 "Not in the face, not in the face!"-an Arthur-ism! His battlecry "Spooooooooooon!"-The Tick's battle-cry! "We all enjoyed saving your life."-a speech after saving the mayor's life "Yes, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can't let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!"-same speech "On justice and on friendship, there is no price, but there are established credit limits."-endnote UNKNOWN SOURCE: "Wherever villainy rears its great big head, wherever evil sets its giant, ill- smelling foot.. you will find The Tick!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok, and now some Tickisms from the Comic book series. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Karma Tornado #1 [On being large] "...but it can be GOOD. You can knock people around if you don't like what they say, and get free things from people who are afraid of you." "Look upon that cow's loss with sorrow. Look upon her works with respect!" --On Mrs. O'Leary's cow being eaten by Tyrannosaurus Rex Karma Tornado #2 "EEEEG! ANCIENT ENTICETRESS!!!" --Resisting Cleopatra's wiles Karma Tornado #6 "This city has a heart that's as big and grimy as all outdoors!" --In response to what he perceives as a homeless advocate "You will dimly remember this image throughout your entire life!" --Helping a lady with a stroller "Say what you will about me! I comprehend very little of it anyway! But Arthur is harmless and huggable! And -- by gosh! -- that's what America is all about!" --When protestors attack Arthur "Look out world! I'm full of Tang!" --It would take to long to explain "Hmm.. single syllables. A formidable opponent." --When confronted by Filibuster, a huge gorilla-like thing Karma Tornado #8 "I don't care. I've kissed babies with this mouth." --Refusing to call someone a "scumbag" "Look here. There's a crop circle in my ficus!" --on The Tick Files Karma Tornado #9 "Hmmm.. perhaps today I'll get a library card! A license to read! Then they can't make me leave! But will they let me in their little club? Hmm." --On his day off "No good will ever come of eviltry." --The Tick as a lad Karma Tornado #10 "Ah, the rural midwest.. home-cooked meals, amber waves of grain, inbreeding... on to the heart of America!" --On being in Kentucky "Inquisition this, you science dinks!" --When residents of Monolith, KY want to perform bizarre experiments on the Tick ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tick #1 "Destiny is a funny thing. Once I thought I was destined to become Emperor of Greenland, sole monarch over its 52,000 inhabitants." --Thoughtful as he leaps from building to building "Maybe I could fly around the earth at unheard of speeds and reverse time. No, I did that last week. Damn." --Clark, late for a meeting with Perry Tick #2 "Fear not, cowering worm. I won't harm you. I'd like to, but I won't." --Talking to Billy in the elevator Tick #3 "Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them." --Just like dogs "Heh, heh. Those darn ninjas. They're wacky." --Covered in shurikens "How the hell did I do that?" --After a heroic rescue of Oedipus "Ninjas can breathe underwater! They can dodge bullets at point blank range! They can walk up the sides of buildings! They can install telephones!!" --Amazed at what he's reading "I thought they just hung around airports and got sucked up into jet engines." --On ninjas Tick #4 "I feel just like Uncle Wiggly!" --Loving his tux "Curse you and your foul x-ray making machine!" --Paul, being refused to enter through customs until he puts his "french bread loaf" through x-ray Tick #5 "Leave her alone, you miserable, kitten-strangling witch!! You are the scariest, most evil woman I have ever met! But say another thing and I'll clock you one!!" --Standing up to Oedipus's mom "I welcome you to share in my Cheez Doodles and machine urine!" --Paul, enlisting the Tick's help at the airport "My god! I have pockets!!!" --The Tick makes a discovery Tick #7 "This is GRAVENESS. But let me be coherent for a moment." --Holding forth his clown pez after Angus reports the theft of a super weapon Tick #8 "I can understand your amazement, Arthur. But believe me, the novelty wears off after the first few times." --After being hit my a meteor "Oh it should be fine... as long as I don't lick it." --On how to avoid the evils that might come with a meteor from outer space "I am the Tick. Your brother has not done justice to your beauty with his words. You are the spitting image of Thelma from Scooby Doo." --To Arthur's sister, Dot "I hope they give up soon. I'm running out of municipal property." --After tossing signposts at some naughty spawn "Wicked men! Cease your antics, or I may be forced to assault you with the US Postal System!" --Fair warning, standing next to a mailbox ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paul The Samurai #9 "I didn't know there were ninjas in Japan. Did you?" --The Tick on tour "Hey hey, Paul! Where'd you get the cool old lady?" --To Paul, who is carrying his mother "Hey you! Slow down and quit running before somebody gets hurt!" --To the crowds fleeing Gomorra Paul The Samurai #10 "Could frozen yogurt -- that tasty yet nutricious foodlike product -- be a key to our triumph?" --A contemplative Tick digresses "These ninja clothes are itchy. No wonder they're so mean." --In disguise Man-Eating Cow #10 "On the contrary, there is little difference between the real Tick and a Tick Bop-Em." --Sagin, on strategy "When do we get to the part where the hippos spit water at us?" --On a tour of Sagin's palace